I was asked about why one becomes so perplexed when starting to take the Spiritual Path to Self-Mastery.
Believe it or not, these perplexities are very normal and predictable when you start taking your higher Self to Heart.
The need for things to make sense is important except that the need to make sense of every little thing is an earthly, finite need, which as I have stated, is important. It keeps you grounded and alert and protected.
The thing about starting to explore your intuition and your Higher Self is that it is of the in-finite world - this is where you need to start to understand a French saying "le coeur a des raisons que la raison ne comprend pas" - the Heart has reasons that the intellect cannot understand.
The incorruptible side of the Soul does not pay any attention to the Ego because the Ego is but a shadow and has no power, no reality in the Heaven-realm. The Ego is aware that the incorruptible side of the Soul ignores it and it makes it very angry! This is why the Ego has all of its antics - it's so the personality will choose it over the incorruptible - and reason would follow that perhaps the Ego wants approval from the incorruptible and has tantrums to get its attention - which it never gets - and that makes it angrier!!!
When you start to recognize this human-being non-relationship you see the divide that exists between the little self and the higher Self. That is the actual duality. Where one is earthly and can only relate to earthly things, the other is heavenly and can only relate to heavenly things - this is where it is important to learn to manage both - because while on Earth, both are needed.
This is why you have indigenous stories that talk about both - for example, there are the 7 Light-laws attached to the Medicine Wheel and there are 7 dark-traps attached to the Medicine Wheel. We, as a society, either only focus on the one or the other. We need to know both.
So listen to the need to understand what is happening - understand that the reasoning mind will not comprehend the intuitive mind but if you mix both together with your personality, will and intention, you will have a complete and possibly complex picture that will act as a spring board for your next step.
The most important thing is to simply relax and observe, then ask the Beings of 100% Light to illumine you with their wisdom. Once you receive the wisdom, ground it into the physical with Earthly ways. By doing this, you are exercising your right to free will.
When you read A Course in Miracle, you are being asked, not to understand but rather to be obedient to the requests. Through this obedience, observation becomes automatic - you learn about your ways, your beliefs, your ego and your Spirit. Is it confusing - yes - but Faith is a Soul/Spirit gift. You are being asked to learn and discover Faith in your higher Self and in the higher road to enlightenment. You need to learn to trust your intuitive side again. It invites you to clear your mind that is full of human thinking and to empty it by presenting ideas that blow the mind open or send you running for cover.
You are starting to empty your mind that is full of human stuff and are starting to test the waters of Being stuff. It's a sacred adventure that is hard work at first but it takes 6 weeks to form a new habit - every six weeks you will be accepting or rejecting a new way of thinking - as you accept it, it becomes easier. One day it all clicks in and makes sense but we live in a finite world with time and space -
So please don't give up on your Self - simply relax, observe and understand that you are learning the need to balance the human need to explain and justify everything, to the synchronicities and wonderment the Intuitive Self interjects into the mix. It's all good. And it requires observation and patience, thoughtfulness and mindfulness.
The logical mind does not surrender easily. I was reading yesterday "change the way you act once and the body and brain will try to override you. Change your mind again and again and the brain will rewire itself and send different instructions to the body. If you have ever given up something in your life; tobacco, alcohol, caffeine, eating too much, biting your nails, an old love, a new desire, then you will know how hard it can be. People engaged in helping others change talk of these items as addictions because the neural pathways are very well established and to break them is very difficult." (p. 11 - Intention and Influence", David Rawnsley.) It can seem difficult to balance the human and the Being of the personality.
The easiest way to calm the mind is to start giving a mantra of some kind continuously- it teaches self-discipline as it overrides all thinking and keeps your attention focused on a positive note - allowing the rest to fight itself out without feeding the confusion. "I AM a blessing to all of Life and all of Life blesses me" is one I received for myself personally. "Om mane padme hum" is the divine feminine Kuan Yin mantra and invokes her presence over you as you give it. It is supportive and full of mercy. "Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare" is another, simply stating "Shiva!" over and over again is very helpful. Or whatever you need as an antidote at the time "I AM harmonious" also works well.
Hope this helps. If further clarification is needed, please ask.